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Addiction (sorta…)

There were times in my youth when I drank to excess. The only tangible negative result was making a fool of myself. As a freshman in college, on weekends, I was a ‘heavy drinker’, and then I wasn’t anymore. So, I never approached alcoholism.

Even though I was the right age in the ’60’s, I just never got interested in pot or anything heavier. So, I never was a druggie.

I’ve always worked out – running until I got too old and brittle, then walking. As a result, while I ate well and in fairly large quantities, I never approached ‘obese’ or even ‘fat’.

So, why might I classify my current condition as ‘addiction’?

long for, obsess about, am preoccupied with, am in the grips of… food.

I cannot consume anything – liquid or solid – ever again, by mouth. For me it’s not “you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling”, it’s more like “you’ve lost that eatin’ feeling”. My throat doesn’t recognize anything coming down, so I aspirate  into my lungs, nothing ever reaches my stomach. So, I use a PEG tube to get all my nutrition.

An addict suffers dire consequences if he ‘falls off the wagon’: DWI’s, blackouts, withdrawal complications, etc. I suppose any one of these conditions might lead to death. My addiction is more certain: if I eat, I die – of pneumonia.

I don’t have to go to meetings – there are no meetings that I know of – but here goes: “Hi, my name is Jack and I am an addict.”

God, I miss food!

Have a good PEG day!

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